I'm in a relationship right now and have been for almost 2 years. We just moved in together last October and so far so fine. Mostly we're great and sometimes we want to murder each other with blunt objects, but truly, I am happy. However, my feelings about dating right now are all over the place. Sometimes, I just want to be this free spirited wood nymph who travels the world making love with every gorgeous man I can find [obviously, who doesn't want this]. But seriously, are we even supposed to be with someone for the rest our lives?! Isn't marriage an outdated, anti-feminist social construct??! And then my body clock starts TICK TOCKIN and I start thinking about my career and when I want kids and a house and etc. etc. I start panicking about how in the hell I'm going to keep this guy for another 6 years and then coerce him into marrying me (my type A brain has told me this is the perfect age for marriage). And I become convinced there's no time to switch models because this one has to at least last another year (cause of our lease) and if it goes on more than that and THEN we break I WILL DIE ALONE I'm convinced. CAUSE WHAT DO YOU DO IF YOU'RE SINGLE AND LIKE 28?!?! ["shut the fuck up" - everyone 28 and over/probably just everyone]
Adding to my crock-pot of relationship bullshit is my financial situation right now. My parents are paying my rent as I scrape by on part-time jobs whilst applying to law school so I can drown in even more poverty and debt for the next 3 years. My boyfriend, on the other hand, is tech freak who's making six figures doing some shit with crypto-currency. So saying I feel a little insecure is an understatement. I'm able to live in a nice apartment and have fresh groceries and go out to eat basically because of him. Which part of me is like, this is dope, be a house wife forever! And the other part of me feels like money adds a weird dimension to everything that I don't want interfering in my love life. And also I'm want to be a #boss #ass #bitch that don't need no man. As a Cancer, I am a creature of habit, comfort and security (some of that astrology shit is weirdly accurate so you haters can bump off) making this financial issue all the more significant to me cause even though money can't buy you class (plz god get this reference #thecountess) it can definitely buy comfort and security.
Like most of my issues, I'm trying to deal with all of this by reframing my mindset. My parents have always been very supportive of me and my relationships, but what my dad always asks me is, "Is he still making you happy?" which I think is really top notch parenting. Because that should be the question, right? Obviously there are going to be fights and living in a one bedroom apartment doesn't always lead to the most productive arguments, but for the most part, does he make me happy? Am I happy, not just with him but with myself and my life? Does he contribute to that happiness? And not just with his $$$, people. Instead of being as terrified of marrying this boy as I am terrified of not marrying him, I'm trying to slow the fuck down. So far, I think he does, but don't worry you'll hear about it if he doesn't.