For those of you that aren't KUWTK fans (if you know, you know) bear with me for a sec. I have just got to talk about how much I RELATE to Kourtney from this weeks epi. Recap: basically the whole episode revolves around the fact that she has decided she wants to fulfill her true passion with some interior design project and her whole family tells her to shut up cause everyone knows she doesn't like working hard. To this feedback she replies "Yeah, so?" which is both hilarious and so so real.
I will come back to explain my love for the Kardashians at a later date (yes, they have their issues I get it), but today I'm more caught up in the same feeling of wanting so badly to find something I can build and claim as my own while at the same time being terrified of all that responsibility and the likelihood of failure. I want to be a #bossbitch so bad on one hand and on the other hand that sounds so overwhelming I think why would I ever do that to myself. Also I'm 24 years old. How much am I supposed to have accomplished by now?
How do you create the perfect balance of pushing yourself without falling off the cliff into an overwhelming abyss where you are certain to drown in all the responsibility? And is it even possible to find that balance in your 20s or are we doomed to kill ourselves with work or else not go anywhere at all? That's kind of how it feels sometimes. Like I either have to conquer the entire earth or else just be in a boring pit of boredom til I off myself because there are no comfortable and fulfilling 9-5s in your 20s. How do you take on more without it snowballing out of control and what's even the point of taking on more if you can't let it snowball into something big beautiful and wonderful? I'm feeling inspired by and terrified of everything.
I will say if my dogs Instagram is any indication, at least I know I'm fully capable of diving headfirst into a ridiculous obsession only to drop it cold turkey a few months later. Pat myself on the back for that one. Ideally, I'll find a passion more meaningful than an Instagram account and I'll love it so much it won't even FEEL like work! Isn't there some saying about that? But is that really a thing... Has anyone ever loved their job so much it NEVER feels like work? I think those that would answer yes are lying. I'm scared of never being able to tell the difference between an appropriate about of disliking your job and an unhealthy amount. I'm a panicker that panics the minute my plans start going awry and I'm scared that's going to keep me from dedicating myself to what could become really great and fulfilling careers.
Is there a job where I just create stressful theoretical situations? I think I could really excel.